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Here's the thing. you have to be patient and observant in order to really burn someone. You have to learn as much about your subject as possible to royally bone them.
Not like internet insults.
Everyone has a chink in their armor, wether it's a seemingly meaningless feature about them that if exploited could send them into a corner, or if it's a deficiency they have, or perhaps something of a more personal nature.
To boil your lobster friend, you need to find those details. Little things. That's the key to all battle, to find your enemies weaknesses, and exploit them.
Don't make fat jokes at a fatty, because they've probably heard them all before (unless you do it right, and with enough neutrals watching).
By neutrals, I mean someone who can be swayed from one side to an insult-fest or another if you get a few good disemboweling words in. If you can get the world to crumble arround them, then not only are they weak-minded, but probably deserve it.
I've been both on the recieving and delivering end of this, and it is a real killer.
Footnotes.
1) Observe patiently for weaknesses. They must be solid. No guess work.
2) Rehearse those insults untill you're certain there's no flaw that would allow them to turn it on you and make you look the fool.
3) ake sure you have an audience of either peers, or general public. This is key to utter humiliation.
If you're not looking for such a cruel response to this, then simply smile whenever she offends you, smile at her as though you had some big secret that made everything she did seem meaningless and pointless. And when asked why you don't retaliate, simply state, "Why bother? It's a juvenile game, for simple minded and easily amused chimps."
Or something along those lines. Also note, the more people that hear you say that, the better. But you have to be calm, and say it with a straight face, or a halfhearted smirk.
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