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For about a year running, I've not gone one day without getting very mad about something... Something minor and stupid, for that matter. I get on my own nerves whenever I'm getting mad. Sometimes I'm not sure whether it's because I'm spoiled with minor things, or because I just want attention. I'm pretty sure it's not the latter, though, because I hate attention, whether negative or positive. The way I see it, it's all or nothing. If anyone is going to give me attention, I rather it be because I'm me (which is usually the case with my mom and sisters), not because of just one thing (i.e. because of my Halloween costume, because they see me as smart (although that's not to say I generally am. Maybe in analytical thinking, but then again, how would I know what is defined as smart? It wouldn't make sense to compare myself with anyone else to determine it, because I don't truly know everyone else, unless I can read their mind. Well anyway...), because I seem grouchy, because I seem nice, because I seem "unique" (but isn't everyone?), etc. I mean sure it's sorta flattering, but then it's not really me that they're paying attention to, just an attribute of mine. ANYWAY, yesterday at school I started crying because I was pissed off about everything (not to mention because I was sick), and I couldn't release my anger through my normal way (yelling, complaining, throwing stuff, hitting the desk). I feel stupid for having done so, though. Now my teacher and the students probably think I'm extremely sensitive (I already have a case for worrying about people's opinions, which would be that it's actually needed), and I probably would too if I saw me. I guess on the bright side, they saw it as "aww, poor girl", and not "what a sissy", because mostly everyone in my grade seems to see me as a little girl (or a creepy little girl, who still has feelings). I rather them that then the real deal, because it's a good lead off. Oh, and the thing that set me off was that it was announced on the announcements that people with a green ticket only would be let into the play. I had a white ticket. My little sister said that they announced yesterday to exchange the ticket (because supposedly everyone was copying the tickets), but a lot of the seniors, including me, were at work. It's like they don't even think about the people who don't really have that many friends or talk to them outside of school. I'd have to explain more for that last sentence to make sense, which I'll do later or whatever.
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